a room with a view

Life moves with horrendous speed. Sometimes it’s best to figure out where you're going so you know what to watch for as moments whiz by. By sticking to some plan, you might have a better shot at recovering slivers of memories. Whether they are real or imagined. You can at least retrace your steps and try to recall all the things you've done, or that have been done to you, that got you to where you are now.

I wish I could say that I’ve got a plan. But over the last week I’ve traded my plans for the unknown. My boyfriend and I parted ways after seven years of the most unusual, intense, meaningful, tragic and perfect relationship I've ever had. From the second I saw him, I was drawn to him. I kid you not, it was love at first sight. I remember walking over to him like a warrior princess going into battle. He was mine and no one would get in the way.  We were each other’s black magic and together our lives became electric. I remember the first thing I ever wrote him, I said I would eviscerated myself and present him my internal organs so he knew he had everything I could possibly give him. Dramatic? Just a touch. But I meant every word of it.

We started this crazy little adventure by taking a risk and we are parting ways by taking another one. Uncertainty scares the shit out of me, but if there is one thing you should know, I love a good scare. If my life is a horror movie, seeing that I’m not a voluptuous blonde, I’m sure that I’ll be one of the survivors.

I’ve been getting down to the sounds of Mayer Hawthorne and singing an ode to my divorce. Like a lady spider, I weave a web that makes it difficult to let go of anyone or anything all that easily. I’m not one to look back, but when you leave someone behind who was your world, it’s impossible not to. But I’ve made up my mind to make a new start and I’m excited about everything that could be, even with a slightly tainted heart. Its hard to say what we regret more, what we do or don’t do. I chose my side.

I guess sometimes you have to burn the house down to keep the dreams alive. So, I’m packing up my life and moving across town to a place with a new view, where I’ll wrap my wild dreams in a torched dress and walk them around town. I'm the girl that smells like a fire. Maybe I'll see you around.