time gets wasted in misery

And sometimes it gets wasted in front of a screen. Typing < Talking.

A frigid Saturday night spent mostly working and staring out my window, coming to grips with the new seasonal landscape that looks like the satin in a coffin. Slick. Pure. Grim.

I was born destined to fall in between living in reality and living a life of partial non-existence. Our lives are a crazy gamble. Every time I say yes, every time I say no, every time I say nothing at all,  I'm unwittingly risking it all. 

You gotta go all in
Even if it breaks your heart,
I was once told.

My mother works at a bank, 
she told me to always double down.

What's a girl to do?

I try to live above the regular laws of the land, not because I think I'm better, but because I dream harder.
 And my dreams are like your religion, the only difference is that my God isn't an Indian giver. I don't give life then take it away. I don't walk through life with the intention to collect but with the intention to give life. To keep going. To breath life back into the fallen, the passed out and the breathless.

You look up into the dark sky and pray with phantom breath that slices the air like a papercut from the good book. You see forever. You see forgiveness and serenity. 

And I look at you.